1601 Pennsylvania Avenue
Ex-presidents don't fade away. They go home. This is not the White House. This is the house behind the White House.
27 June 2015
Theodore Roosevelt, twenty-sixth president of the United States, sits in the drawing room, reading the Washington Post.
Roosevelt: Oh, blessed relief. HEY! HEY, YOU POOR EXCUSE FOR A NEAR-SIGHTED, BRITTLE-BONED FOOTBALL TEAM! TAKE A LOOK AT THIS!
Ulysses Grant, eighteenth president of the United States, strides into the room trailing a cloud of dust.
Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of the United States, bangs his head on the low chandelier.
A herald of cherubs blow their trumpets. George Washington, first president of the United States, enters the room.
Grant: Apparently you have something of interest for us? Your commotion will startle our pickets.
Lincoln: General, as I have repeatedly reminded you, there are no pickets outside our residence. There is no more war.
Grant: There's always a war inside a man.
Lincoln: Perhaps. But those of us outside said man are deaf to the cannonade. Colonel Roosevelt, can you elaborate on your previous summons?
Roosevelt: SUMMONS? HELL MAN, I WAS BELLOWING! THE STICK-ARMED "MEN" IN THIS TOWN FINALLY DECIDED WHO THEY'RE GOING TO REMOVE FROM THE CURRENCY TO MAKE ROOM FOR A FEMALE!